Overwhelmed with Grief......

It is 11:20pm and I am literally bawling my eyes out and overwhelmed with grief.  I am currently doing my second book review and the book I am reading is "Prayer Warrior Mom."  I am almost finished with this book, so I will be writing a review on it next week.  The chapter I just finished reading is called "Live With A Spiritual Perspective.  I just finished reading this chapter and there is a story told by a Christian Music Artist, Steven Curtis Chapman.  The story is told of what he and his wife went through with their daughter.  Sitting down and actually reading in detail what this family experienced and went through, left me crying beyond belief and not able to breathe.  I do not know how they were able to experience what they did, and come out alive from it.  After reading this, I am asking myself " God, I couldn't be that strong and go through that, I would lose it."  I am at a loss for words after reading this story because I honestly don't know how I could come back from experiencing something that this family went through.  It makes me cling even harder to God and wrap my arms and legs around the cross that Jesus carried.  I don't want to let go, I want my entire family to take hold with me and not let go.  I am praying even more protection around my family, and really praying for my children.  My children are such a blessing to me, I honestly would have NO purpose without them.  They make my day so much brighter, and I look forward to seeing them each morning.  The thought that keeps coming into my mind is that God has blessed me with my children, but these are HIS children.  I may have my "plans" for them and for their future, but so DOES GOD.  God's plan is PERFECT, my plan is flawed.  God knows my intentions and my heart for how much I love them, and how much I am trying to do it Gods way.  My husband and I have dedicated our children to God, and we vow to raise them up Gods way, and pray for God to equip us as parents to do it HIS way.  After reading this story it makes me want to trust God even more than I already do.  I have told God before, that I am ALL IN!!!  I am doing it his way no matter what. I refuse to have one foot in the kingdom and one foot in the world.  I now have enlightenment from the Holy Spirit, that I need to be ALL IN, no matter what the cost or circumstance.  Horrific and terrible things are going to happen, because we live in a sinful world and the world is corrupted with sin.  We are sinful human beings, and their is sin all around us flourishing.  It makes me pray even harder because I know our battle is in the Heavenly Realms.  I pray that Christ uses me fully, and that I am a light in this dark world.  I pray that my husband is made into the man of God, that God wants him to be.  I pray that he can lead our family as the head of the household and to always  have the wisdom and knowledge to do it Gods way.  I pray protection over my children (Gabriel and Rafaela) I pray that they have hearts that love God with every inch of their being.  I pray they are obedient, and have the word of God hidden in their hearts.  I am just blown away hearing other people's stories of what they have went through and endured.  It makes me sad for people who don't have Christ as their Savior, and don't know God.  I can't imagine what it is like to live in this world with NO hope.  To not have Jesus as your Savior means that you have absolutely NO hope whatsoever.  There is nothing with value, or nothing good to look forward to.  It makes me sad because I know there are people already perishing in Hell, and would give ANYTHING to have the opportunity to choose Jesus as their Savior.  It saddens me even more that there are people today in our world that are on their way to hell, and don't even know it.  In Gods word it says that we perish for lack of knowledge (hosea 4:6)  People think they are in charge and that they have it ALL figured out.  They want to choose how to live their life and be their own God, and here they are perishing for lack of knowledge.  Then you have the people that say they have God, but their lifestyle clearly shows that they don't love God.  The way God knows that we love him is this: If you love me, keep my commands (John 14:15)  It is very easy to tell people what they want to hear, but keep on living for yourself.  There is no fooling God.  God has something to tell people who are lukewarm Christians who claim God is their Savior, but don't follow his commands.  He says this:It would have been better for them not to have known the way of the righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them. (2 Peter 2:21)  Partial obedience, is DISOBEDIENCE with God!!!  We need to be ALL in!! There is no half way in with God.  I am getting peace as I finish this post, I have finally been able to clean up my face and wipe my tears away.  I am beginning to calm down and breathe slow now.  I now understand that this was supposed to happen for a reason.  I have seen an area in my life just now that I didn't surrender to God.  I see that I need to surrender the BAD TIMES to God.  I was aware and able to surrender everything else, but I was still having that shield up trying to protect my loved ones by my power and will.  I was playing God and putting myself before God.  I now see that I need to surrender the Bad times to God and trust him that HIS plan is perfect NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS!!!!  I honestly pray with my whole heart that someone reads this and feels the Holy Spirit moving in their spirit.  I pray that you make Jesus Lord of your Life and start surrendering ALL areas of you life to him.  I pray that you have a peace that washes over you right now, that surpasses all understanding.  We serve a mighty God that is ALWAYS in Control and takes care of his children.