8/23/2009 Starting Over

I must finally say i officially have came face to face with reality. Things have been constantly going in circles, and I have tried to ignore it with a big smile on my face and crackin jokes. It is no longer funny, i am no longer laughing about it. All i ever wanted was progress forward, and all i ever wanted was a for sure thing, and stability. I could not achieve that and it wasn't meant for me at this exact time in my life. I now realize that I have to start over and when I say start over, it means with myself and myself alone. I have always been a free spirit, and have always made things work because of my positive spirit, and with the grace from the Lord above. I know my Lord has never abandoned me, he has been by my side the whole time, and he is with my especially now. I don't quite see the whole picture yet, but I am willing to accept it, and give it all to him, and have him take care of me. I need to literally start over with myself and get to know myself alone and get myself situated. I feel only good can come from this because you have to get yourself straight first, then everything else will fall into place. It isn't going to be easy, but I know the Lord will send the HOly Spirit to guide me and block out the negative. I know I am a strong woman, and I have gotten through many dark times, and i know this is just another patch that i have to cross. I am done trying to dwell on it, I am done trying to understand it and break down my faults. I have fully accepted it, and came face to face with it, and I am done. I leave it in your hands God, and I am fully focused forward and whatever lies ahead, I will embrace it head on. Thank you God for keeping me strong through this dark and lonely time.